the hard sell

Current status: Trying to get fjr to go in with me on a pair of lizards, which we would house on 10 to help control the outlaw cockroach population. It's part of my 3-step plan to suck up to Margaret.

grace

Dear Thor, thank you for the shirtless man who cooks for me.

oh crap crap crap crap crap

Look who has been conjured by my bad mood.

Matlock ain nothin to f^&*;> with

Basically, I would describe my personality as the Wu Tang clan meets Matlock.

Wo-HOO!

No fines
No tickets
No points
No court date

Your final grade in ENG 3060:

"It is not born,
it does not die
having been,
it will never not be;
unborn, enduring,
constant, and primordial,
it is not killed
when the body is killed" (bhagavad gita 2.20).

how to sort messages from everyone-so-far as spam:

Step 1: Click this is spam in the message header.

Step 2: Check spam options:

block messages from this sender
move message to junk folder
report spam to administrator

Step 3: Click purge deleted items to clear spam folder.

hmmm

I wonder what would happen if Grendel got in a fight with some dementors.

some girls

Did you know that some girls view their friends as boring placeholders to pass the time before they get a boyfriend? And he's always a mook, but she adores him, and she wears this revolting yellow ribbon in her hair that bounces as she carries out a festive snack tray while he and his buddies play poker.

Nothing makes me quite so sick as watching an All-American ponytail girl babying her mooky boyfriend.

...

Ow, my bronchioles.

coming down from all the excitement,

Hilary has 2 &*##%^& papers to evaluate.

guest speaker

Hilary reclined on the ledge of 213 STAT as women in hijab walked in , startled, and backed away slowly.

it

it's non-skid to prevent your premature death.
It's Pink Duchess Oil Sheen!
it's #2/30
it's leather but it has some give to it
it's hard to listen to you eat your doughnut
it's like smuggling a giant moose into the English dept.

I love sentences that end in "no reason".

Example: Do you think that Ruth will let me borrow her trench coat tomorrow 6-9 for "no reason"?

everything is illuminated: the autism epidemic

Last night I calmly asked Google, so why are all these autism-related tv programs airing on ABC?

Answer: April is National Autism Awareness Month, a festive season whereby nonautistic people and other nonexperts discuss autism on network television.

So I've been going home immediately after work to catch up on the scoop. Here's a sample of what I learned about autism from Oprah and The View:

1. With genetic counseling, doctors will eventually attain 100 percent prevention of autism. That's right! 50 years from now, my birth could have been prevented.

2. Autism is characterized by having adorable big brown eyes, but pacing and pulling on your hair to utter devastation of remaining family. Those parents are goddamn heros for still loving their kids.

3. It is unknown (and uninteresting) whether autistic individuals may survive to age 21. There are no autistic adults.

4. Mainstream kids may be frightened of the autistic kids in their classroom and may need to do special workbook exercises to cope with the presence of these ... monsters. Oh the humanity!

Rosie's autism couch talk on The View (6.4.2007) culminates in a slightly-less-offensive interview w/ TG:

Rosie: So is there a gene that doctors can -- treat -- with gene therapy?

TG: Look. If there were no autism -- gene -- , then there would be no cameras and technical equipment to film this program. Those genes play a tremendous role in advancing in technology and the sciences --

Rosie: --- blah blah blah.

So this got me thinking: Many of my people are highly influential engineers of networks, CGI, cameras and ... the epistemological framework of genetic science.

So why are we allowing crap like this to air?

acts fast!

> Do you want to borrow my fast-acting soporofic sleep sheep?

1s and 0s

"Unfortunately" Hilary explained, deftly spearing her favorite parts of the salad, "there are only two available positions:

1) completely innocent

and

2) dirty culpable ho.

".

more tantalizing updates

This morning I absent-mindedly scribbled the media cart access code [DO NOT CIRCULATE!!!!] on my jeans while listening to Lauryn Hill, "Ghetto superstar" on a Sony walkman. It was mainly a publicity stunt to broaden the reader base of bloggerandme.

flight of birds

Hilary palmed the cat-gray wall , felt tip marker in one hand, canadian money in the other.