I sank in the chair. 4 more weeks, I said, and then I can wear the hair god protectively gave my welsh ancestors to blend in with the sheep and not be eaten by Britons.
you know the story said the girl who cuts my hair, if you can sit still while I take it out, you can wear your natural hair.
I sank more, remembeering that hair extensions were supposed to be a 2 week expirment for me last year. But I couldn't sit still to have them unextended, so we just kept gradually maintaing what is there.
do you have any evidence to support the idea thtat in 4 weeks you will be able to sit stull while I take the knots out
no
then you can expect the same thing to keep happening
I started feeling really really bad about myself, and then a smart idea happened in my mind. The smart idea is to shave my head and start over and just wear someone elses' hair NOT attached to my head for 4 weeks and then simply stop wearing the other persons' hair. I got this idea from the book I am reading.
So that's what I did. And I'm extremely proud of my decision. And of this custom made hairpeice. It's feather light and feels like a terrycloth tee. It looks expensively real.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Ew!
Neal lay on the bed wrapping a strand of Meg's hair around his ring finger. Ew, he said, I make myself sick.
as told to Joel
Every time I read this with my students, I try to match the people around me to the characters in the autobiography, I said to Joel. For instance I am the fierce spirited Malcolm with a flair for storytelling, fjr is Cassius Clay and Elijah is--
Wait, said joel calmly. Tell me who fjr is again?
Cassius. Cassius clay.
Joel looked as though he was going to burst.
Wait, said joel calmly. Tell me who fjr is again?
Cassius. Cassius clay.
Joel looked as though he was going to burst.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
students with crushes
How you react really does depend on your secret evaluation of their appearance.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
smartasses
My students and I read The Autobiography of Malcom X together every semester. Their papers were due yesterday.
2 students stayed after class.
Student 1 said he could not write his paper because his car caught on fire.
Now is that the real truth, said student 2, or the truth as told to Alex Haley?
2 students stayed after class.
Student 1 said he could not write his paper because his car caught on fire.
Now is that the real truth, said student 2, or the truth as told to Alex Haley?
boredom
Last night Madison tipped over her toy box and a grownup cabbage patch doll and a football tumbled out.
Let's play house, said Madison, grabbing the doll, I'll be the mommy, and you be the football.
Let's play house, said Madison, grabbing the doll, I'll be the mommy, and you be the football.
my students are smarter than yours
My English 1020 student, Christine, explains Diels-Adler reactions to nonspecialists:
I thought the best way to start talking about a fairly dry and complex subject might be to make an analogy. Instead of your everyday analogy I am going to relate a Diels-Alder reaction to the events of a smutty novel. After the analogy I will then explain the terms and concepts and might still seem a little fuzzy to those non-pasty, real carbon based life forms (a.k.a. people). However, before we get too far ahead of ourselves I will need to make up names for the molecules involved in this reaction. The part of Diane Dieneophile will be played by a dieneophile. The conjoined twins Dan and Derek Butadiene will be played by a butadiene.
I thought the best way to start talking about a fairly dry and complex subject might be to make an analogy. Instead of your everyday analogy I am going to relate a Diels-Alder reaction to the events of a smutty novel. After the analogy I will then explain the terms and concepts and might still seem a little fuzzy to those non-pasty, real carbon based life forms (a.k.a. people). However, before we get too far ahead of ourselves I will need to make up names for the molecules involved in this reaction. The part of Diane Dieneophile will be played by a dieneophile. The conjoined twins Dan and Derek Butadiene will be played by a butadiene.
a hindu reads the warning label
summary of human history: how men formed a complex, intimate bond with hazardous materials
a hindu perspective on the Nation
Lots of mornings I wish I owned nothing but a breifcase, dress slacks and my car.
But nothing is not something that you can own or be.
But nothing is not something that you can own or be.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Eastside attitude
Today when the homeless man said, how much for a blow job, I almost replied in disgust.
but I was too tired to say the word "ecofeminism".
(pause)
five hundred dollars, I said.
And the homless man went away.
Hey, I shouted after him, we all gotta make a living in this fucking economy.
but I was too tired to say the word "ecofeminism".
(pause)
five hundred dollars, I said.
And the homless man went away.
Hey, I shouted after him, we all gotta make a living in this fucking economy.
meet
Meghan.
Proposed name change: Nealandmeghan.
It's neat how, when two people stick together, their names turn into 1 linguistic unit.
Sharon calls Richard and trish Rishandtrichard,switching the consonants for an added creep factor.
Proposed name change: Nealandmeghan.
It's neat how, when two people stick together, their names turn into 1 linguistic unit.
Sharon calls Richard and trish Rishandtrichard,switching the consonants for an added creep factor.
tacit knowledge
I know that if I were to just stop eating animals and segue back to natural hair, the Almighty and me could just...chill.
Monday, June 20, 2005
the second mary left the car
after the arabic festival I thought,
From a sociolingustic standpoint, what the HELL just happened? And I'll bet that if this conversation were to result in an actual buying trip, roxanne's friend Islam could help us see about those she-camels (see the episode where r. is nearly sold into sex slavery).
Hilary
From a sociolingustic standpoint, what the HELL just happened? And I'll bet that if this conversation were to result in an actual buying trip, roxanne's friend Islam could help us see about those she-camels (see the episode where r. is nearly sold into sex slavery).
Hilary
everything is illuminated
A. What if love is not wanting to be with someone all the time, wanting them all to yourself and being afraid that they are going to leave you?
(because I know I've never felt that way)
B. What if instead love means being able to look at someone and think, it does not exactly matter if you go or stay here with me because, in the end, what you are inspiring me to create in my own heart right now is FAR cooler than anything you are capable of taking away?
(because I know I've never felt that way)
B. What if instead love means being able to look at someone and think, it does not exactly matter if you go or stay here with me because, in the end, what you are inspiring me to create in my own heart right now is FAR cooler than anything you are capable of taking away?
you wish you had written this
This is a poem by amiri baraka about the theme of being approximately 24 years old.
Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus . . .
Things have come to that.
And now, each night I count the stars,
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.
Nobody sings anymore.
And then last night, I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there . . .
Only she on her knees, peeking into
Her own clasped hands
Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus . . .
Things have come to that.
And now, each night I count the stars,
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.
Nobody sings anymore.
And then last night, I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there . . .
Only she on her knees, peeking into
Her own clasped hands
current stats
patches of eczema: 11 (horray!)
current weight: 124 (on oral steroids). have embraced temporary plushness.
animals eaten: 4 (exemplary)
today's attack thoughts:
I live inside someone who hates me and look out her eyes
(not depressed, just reading baraka)
Joel's response:
wow, I love that line! You know, Winter semester I cancelled a week of class because I thought amiri baraka was coming to read at Wayne State. Then I found out it was a lie but class stayed cancelled because I had to recover from the POSSIBILITY of him coming to read here.
current weight: 124 (on oral steroids). have embraced temporary plushness.
animals eaten: 4 (exemplary)
today's attack thoughts:
I live inside someone who hates me and look out her eyes
(not depressed, just reading baraka)
Joel's response:
wow, I love that line! You know, Winter semester I cancelled a week of class because I thought amiri baraka was coming to read at Wayne State. Then I found out it was a lie but class stayed cancelled because I had to recover from the POSSIBILITY of him coming to read here.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
math problem
Autism+Stress= zero immunity
zero immunity+exercise=eczema
eczema+autism=untreated eczema
zero immunity+exercise=eczema
eczema+autism=untreated eczema
nuisance list
fucking....
mizmar
"blessing" of infinitely witty gods
8 lbs
Omie
invisible senna
curebie parents
MIS speedway traffic
eczema
MIA sunglasses
mizmar
"blessing" of infinitely witty gods
8 lbs
Omie
invisible senna
curebie parents
MIS speedway traffic
eczema
MIA sunglasses
ai
all ai people look super charming, said my friend, it's like sole protective gear.
look at me while I am talking to you:
and sounding out the vowel teams
in terrycloth pyjamas
look at me while I am talking to you:
and sounding out the vowel teams
in terrycloth pyjamas
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
numbers
Patches of eczema: 4 (symptomatic of underlying condition)
miles sprinted: 11 (since Friday)
current mood (in Michigan beer): hungry
miles sprinted: 11 (since Friday)
current mood (in Michigan beer): hungry
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
a platonic dialogue between Hello Kitty and Chococat
Hello, Kitty--
A strange new thing is happening to me: every five seconds, my girls ask me if I am in love with the guy I like. While I do know it's not just infatuation, I find it difficult to answer their question in an accurate and meaningful way. For instance, you can have a lasting affection for someone without loving them, and plus, you can love someone without being in love. How do I know if it's true love for sure?
Chococat
Chococat,
Wow, this sure is a tough question--and I predict that this man will be ancient history long before you come up with an applicable definition of what it means to be in love for you. Fortunately, your girls' question does not require you to look into your heart and determine if you are in love for real.
In a sociolinguistic sense, Chococat, your girls' question is called an illocutionary speech act. An illocutionary speech act means that your girls' question has a pragmatic function vis a vis your relationship with them, not him.
To put it another way: when your friends ask you "Chococat, are you in love?", you can translate the question as "Chococat, you are being dumb. As your friends, would you like us to a)be beacons of reason or b) smile indulgently. By saying "I am in love", you assert your social right to enjoy this man without being continuously reminded of how dumb you look while doing it.
Remember, your girl friends have an implied contract to be honest and direct with you. So when you answer their question, consider this: do you trust this man enough to forfeit your right to hear other peoples' informed reservations? do you really want to ask the girls to be as blind and dumb as you are? Again, your answer reflects your expectations for their behavior, not the introspective state of your heart.
Whether it's like, love or infatuation, Kitty's ability to reason and plan is probably going to go to sleep for awhile. Rest assured that the girls will be there when you wake up, regardless of how you chose to define your experience.
Goodbye
Kitty.
A strange new thing is happening to me: every five seconds, my girls ask me if I am in love with the guy I like. While I do know it's not just infatuation, I find it difficult to answer their question in an accurate and meaningful way. For instance, you can have a lasting affection for someone without loving them, and plus, you can love someone without being in love. How do I know if it's true love for sure?
Chococat
Chococat,
Wow, this sure is a tough question--and I predict that this man will be ancient history long before you come up with an applicable definition of what it means to be in love for you. Fortunately, your girls' question does not require you to look into your heart and determine if you are in love for real.
In a sociolinguistic sense, Chococat, your girls' question is called an illocutionary speech act. An illocutionary speech act means that your girls' question has a pragmatic function vis a vis your relationship with them, not him.
To put it another way: when your friends ask you "Chococat, are you in love?", you can translate the question as "Chococat, you are being dumb. As your friends, would you like us to a)be beacons of reason or b) smile indulgently. By saying "I am in love", you assert your social right to enjoy this man without being continuously reminded of how dumb you look while doing it.
Remember, your girl friends have an implied contract to be honest and direct with you. So when you answer their question, consider this: do you trust this man enough to forfeit your right to hear other peoples' informed reservations? do you really want to ask the girls to be as blind and dumb as you are? Again, your answer reflects your expectations for their behavior, not the introspective state of your heart.
Whether it's like, love or infatuation, Kitty's ability to reason and plan is probably going to go to sleep for awhile. Rest assured that the girls will be there when you wake up, regardless of how you chose to define your experience.
Goodbye
Kitty.
I could not finish my paper because
"I was participating in the beautiful and complex religion called "Santeria". In order to appreciate WHY I couldn't write my assignment while practicing Santeria, which is a blend of African and Cuban traditions, you will need to know some information about the ethical system and representation of god in Santeria". Ruben Quintilla, freshman
Landmark moment in English 1020: the day my students demonstrate knowledge of how to suck up to me.
Landmark moment in English 1020: the day my students demonstrate knowledge of how to suck up to me.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Why I couldn't write my paper
my students' late paper excuses for Spring/Summer 2005
I was observing a traditional holiday in my religion called the Don't Do Homework Day.
I became so excited about writing the paper that my narcolepsy kicked in.
The racist cops stopped me in Farmington Hills due to racial profiling. Unfortunately, I was dealing cocaine at the time.
The Smart bus never came.
I left my paper in southern Sudan, where it was eaten by my cousins (in an essay about the World Bank and SAP).
My pencil broke every time I tried to write my essay.
I was participating in local politics which you will note is another goal for this course as stated in the syllabus.
I cleaned out my backpack and am now hospitalized with 4 incurable diseases.
I am a woman and the demands on me in our society make it impossible for me to be a friend, parent, and scholar. I need an extension for 5-7 days.
I was observing a traditional holiday in my religion called the Don't Do Homework Day.
I became so excited about writing the paper that my narcolepsy kicked in.
The racist cops stopped me in Farmington Hills due to racial profiling. Unfortunately, I was dealing cocaine at the time.
The Smart bus never came.
I left my paper in southern Sudan, where it was eaten by my cousins (in an essay about the World Bank and SAP).
My pencil broke every time I tried to write my essay.
I was participating in local politics which you will note is another goal for this course as stated in the syllabus.
I cleaned out my backpack and am now hospitalized with 4 incurable diseases.
I am a woman and the demands on me in our society make it impossible for me to be a friend, parent, and scholar. I need an extension for 5-7 days.
million girl run
When the first test of my Simple Diet Plan happened, I bravely put the weed in my toolbox and grabbed my rollerblades in the shed.
Robyn's boyfriendorwhatever looked at me skeptically over the fence. What, he said, you go jogging 2 times and suddenly you're down with the Nation?
Robyn's boyfriendorwhatever looked at me skeptically over the fence. What, he said, you go jogging 2 times and suddenly you're down with the Nation?
le grande destin de Amelie Poulain
Now that Bill and Sharon have finally found each other, Sharon has suddenly become the Look Great Naked police.
Yesterday I was grazing peacefully through a 24 pack of Timbits and Sharon said, Wait, Hilary! What are those doughnuts going to look like when you arch your back?
Yesterday I was grazing peacefully through a 24 pack of Timbits and Sharon said, Wait, Hilary! What are those doughnuts going to look like when you arch your back?
Thursday, June 09, 2005
no matter what happens tonight,
the United States will continue to occupy Chile
Sub-Saharan Africa will go further into debt
the Rouge plant will be there in the morning
and
Asheville is 11 thousand miles away
Sub-Saharan Africa will go further into debt
the Rouge plant will be there in the morning
and
Asheville is 11 thousand miles away
Quiz: Are you Hilary, Roxanne or Lisa.
Question 1: God is approximately shaped like:
1) a phallus
2) a loving father
3) a she elephant
1) a phallus
2) a loving father
3) a she elephant
sexual etiquette
As an AI, my one social goal for the next ten hours is not to describe ANY A frame houses with my hands,
Thank GOD we don't live in Ferndale any more.
Thank GOD we don't live in Ferndale any more.
My advice is to wear long sleeves
said the girls, so you can cover those welts from your allergic reaction.
WHAT kind of girl do you think I am? I said. People can know me for years and years and still not find out what I look like without an embarassing rash of some kind.
WHAT kind of girl do you think I am? I said. People can know me for years and years and still not find out what I look like without an embarassing rash of some kind.
hey, where's the cream filling?
I hope no one is mad that I smoked down with their uncle Craig this week. He said that it was ok to tell you provided that you do not then "tell Peggy who will then tell Barbara".
Waaaait, I said slowly, which one is Peggy and which one is Barbara again?
Current weight: 120 (bullSHIT!)
commercial idea:
This is your hot body
this is your hot body stoned.
Waaaait, I said slowly, which one is Peggy and which one is Barbara again?
Current weight: 120 (bullSHIT!)
commercial idea:
This is your hot body
this is your hot body stoned.
Last night I was having an imaginary conversation with
Jesus and he said if you ditch that elephant and follow me, I will give you everlasting life.
Great, I said miserably: with Jesus I could never be granted relesease from samsara, the wheel of everlasting life and death.
Awww naaaaaw, said Jesus, you misunderstand me. I mean an everlasting life in which you help me rule the universe from heaven?
Rule? I said, from above? So now you want me to become an oppressor? Jesus, Christ. Why don't I just run away and join the British Raj?
Great, I said miserably: with Jesus I could never be granted relesease from samsara, the wheel of everlasting life and death.
Awww naaaaaw, said Jesus, you misunderstand me. I mean an everlasting life in which you help me rule the universe from heaven?
Rule? I said, from above? So now you want me to become an oppressor? Jesus, Christ. Why don't I just run away and join the British Raj?
and how do you imagine this story is going to
end? said Roxanne, for example,
what do you envision the most likely outcome to be?
Honestly? My unwavering and perpetual happiness, of course.
Of course, Roxanne said calmly, while secretly examining her bagel for its potential ability to slash tires.
what do you envision the most likely outcome to be?
Honestly? My unwavering and perpetual happiness, of course.
Of course, Roxanne said calmly, while secretly examining her bagel for its potential ability to slash tires.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
amazing findings
Unlike success in first language acquisition, success in
learning a second or foreign language is considerably more
variable. Zhendong Gan.
learning a second or foreign language is considerably more
variable. Zhendong Gan.
the foreverandever friends and me
are all now a little bit autistic and a little bit not
This weekend Neal came in the door and silently turned all his appliances back on. That's why I don't get with new people, I said and kissed him on the cheek, I can't imagine having to put these things into actual words again.
This weekend Neal came in the door and silently turned all his appliances back on. That's why I don't get with new people, I said and kissed him on the cheek, I can't imagine having to put these things into actual words again.
math
1
god
adorable haircut
developmental disability
power washer
serious crush
student in time out
2
eyebrows
emerald green hair jewels
movies overdue
trees
3
dangerous projects
garbage cans
4
best friends
lbs to lose
zillions of
tiny bumps
singed braid ends
stories
faces of god
god
adorable haircut
developmental disability
power washer
serious crush
student in time out
2
eyebrows
emerald green hair jewels
movies overdue
trees
3
dangerous projects
garbage cans
4
best friends
lbs to lose
zillions of
tiny bumps
singed braid ends
stories
faces of god
stringing people along
is not a charming behavioral problem.
I used to beleive that people trying and trying to get in touch with me meant that I was super important. Actually it meant that I was being an enormous jerk.
I used to beleive that people trying and trying to get in touch with me meant that I was super important. Actually it meant that I was being an enormous jerk.
As far as I know, my ancestors
were divided into two tribes: the sheep worshippers and the sheep eaters.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
having my hair clipped
Because, you can't have a PhD, diplomatic immunity AND homemade body adornments. Why don't you concentrate on fighting injustice (she said sarcastically) and leave the hair to me?
as for my special news,
the girls took it gracefully.
Roxanne, for example, flashed bare teeth and curled up in her chair like a dead shrimp.
For a second I thought that she might be having a seizure.
Roxanne, for example, flashed bare teeth and curled up in her chair like a dead shrimp.
For a second I thought that she might be having a seizure.
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